Empower Our Girls: Opening the Door for Girls to Achieve More

[00:01] SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Principal Center Radio, bringing you the best in professional practice.

[00:06] Announcer:

Here's your host, director of the Principal Center and champion of high performance instructional leadership, Justin Bader. Welcome everyone to Principal Center Radio.

[00:15] SPEAKER_01:

I'm your host, Justin Bader, and I'm honored to be joined today by Linmara Colon. Lin is the director of English Language Learner Programs and Services in a Northern Virginia school district, as well as a former principal. She's the author with Adam Welcome of Empower Our Girls, Opening the Door for Girls to Achieve More, which we're here to talk about today.

[00:36] Announcer:

And now, our feature presentation.

[00:39] SPEAKER_01:

So Lynn, welcome to Principal Center Radio.

[00:41] SPEAKER_02:

Thank you for having me. I'm super excited.

[00:43] SPEAKER_01:

I'm excited too, because you have worked with Dave Burgess and his organization to publish a fantastic book, Empower Our Girls. I wonder if we could start by just identifying the trends and the needs and the challenges that you saw in our society that prompted you to write Empower Our Girls.

[00:59] SPEAKER_02:

So, you know, as a principal, you notice many, many things that are happening. And I talk a little bit about this, share my story about how we have all these events. We have books in schools and there was a need, right, of representing females that were leaders. So I was talking to Adam Welcome, my co-author and amazing friend. about what can we do, because we didn't feel that this was something that was boys against girls, but something that adults could do to empower them. And we started the conversation, started the work, put some ideas together of things that educators can do in our schools and people can do in the community, and the response has been amazing.

[01:51]

So we took something that we thought we were experiencing, and Adam has a daughter, I have twins, and noticed that we were not alone, that there were many educators that were experiencing the same things. There were many female leaders that experienced some of the challenges that we were talking about, and we put a whole bunch of chapters together in hopes that we can create a movement with our girls when it's a result.

[02:22] SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. And as a dad of two girls, I very much appreciate that and appreciate the conversation. Because I think so much of this is just baked into longstanding assumptions of our society. You know, like on the football field, the players are the boys and the girls are literally on the sidelines. as cheerleaders and certainly have no, you know, nothing against cheerleading, but just those kind of assumptions that we just kind of take for granted. But I also wonder, as we've started to notice over the past couple of decades in schools, it's no secret that girls are outpacing boys in terms of academic achievement.

[03:02]

And certainly the opportunities have never been as equal as they are today. And yet I get the sense that our work is not finished, right? so what big challenges do you see remaining and facing girls and facing educators and parents who care about girls in the coming years, in the coming decades?

[03:21] SPEAKER_02:

You know, that's a great question. And I think we've made great gains and I can't not talk about that. And we talk about this in the book, but we need to be really honest and open about the things that we're offering where all kids can participate and all all kids are invited at what I call the dinner table. I was able to attend a conference this past week, and we were talking about disciplinary issues that we're having in some of our schools and how our girls feel better connected with counselors than boys are because they feel they can go to the counselor and cry with them, right? And why is it that they're not going to an administrator or to a male teacher.

[04:14]

And what can we do to change that perception and really sit at the table with educators and say, hey, we have a problem. And these are some areas where we can get better. Unless we're open and transparent about those issues, I think we'll remain where we are. But I hope that the book challenges people's thinking and for them the opportunity to have these conversations. And we have some challenges or calls to action at the end of every chapter that bring the opportunity for that to happen.

[04:49] SPEAKER_01:

Well, I'm glad you mentioned the importance of mentoring. And I know in the book, you speak to that quite a bit. And I think especially when it comes to leadership roles, there is a need to be intentional. What do you see happening specifically around leadership that prompts us to really need to stop and take a look at how we're providing those mentoring opportunities and how we're helping girls develop and step into roles as leaders?

[05:14] SPEAKER_02:

Sure. So I'll be very vulnerable now. When I was considering this role, I struggled a lot, Justin, because I had this narrative in my head that kept saying, maybe you're not the right person. Maybe you're not polished enough. And me being from Puerto Rico and English being my second language, I doubted myself. And if it had not been for great mentors that kept bringing me back to, no, let's stop that.

[05:44]

Let's hit pause. Let's look at the resume. Let's look at everything that you've been doing and encouraging me. I don't think that I would be sitting here today and having mentors from different walks of life. Sometimes we think that it has to be someone that's done that, right? But it could even be a male.

[06:05]

I've had great mentors in my journey that are cheerleaders. The reason Adam and I ended writing this book, one of the reasons is because he's one of my biggest cheerleaders, right? And I'm constantly encouraging me and telling me that I can. So providing those opportunities for girls, and it starts with a relationship and knowing what they can do, even if it's sports, coding, clubs, in the classroom is so, so important. And as educators, we have the power to do that and influence them. I know I met with my students as a principal.

[06:48]

I paid attention to those quiet ones, right? Because you have the ones that usually know what they want and where they want to go. But what about the one that's quiet, that's struggling with that story and narrative in their head? that it's really, really important and we owe it to our kids.

[07:09] SPEAKER_01:

Well, and I think it's especially ironic as it becomes clearer and clearer that girls are outperforming boys academically, that more and more girls are enrolling in college to the point that they are a substantial majority on most college campuses now, and in every real sense are highly qualified, and in a lot of cases, more qualified than the men who are also applying for those same leadership opportunities. And I have to tell you, I see this all the time in working with people around their job search through our Ascend program. I see a big gap, not in qualifications, but in confidence and in permission. And for some reason that I think has to be somewhat biological, boys are just hardwired to be overconfident. I don't know if I can say it any other way.

[08:00]

And you don't see that same degree of overconfidence in girls and in women. And I wonder your perspective on how that shows up throughout people's lives.

[08:13] SPEAKER_02:

Well, I think we've accepted it in something as simple as shirts with messages. I don't think that I've ever seen a little plaque or a shirt that says boss boy, boss girl, right? or girl power. I've never seen a shirt that says boy power. So just those messages are just sending wrong. And I have to tell you, I struggle with that because you are strong.

[08:48]

You don't need a message to tell the world that you can be confident and feminine. And there's a chapter in the book from someone who serves in the military, one of the stories, and I thought that was beautiful, how she talks about being feminine and courageous. And one thing doesn't take away from the other. But as long as we continue to promote those messages as a society, we're never going to make a change. And then girls are always going to think that if you come across as confident or if you are confident in yourself, it's going to equal to you being bossy or people are not going to be a fan of your behavior. You can raise your hand at the table and share what your thoughts are and your opinion and be confident, but do it in a professional and polished way.

[09:44]

I've seen great leaders do it. I see young girls do it every day and I can't help but compliment them and feel we stand a good chance because there's adults there that are doing the work with girls.

[09:57] SPEAKER_01:

I wonder if we should get into some specifics when it comes to mentoring or encouraging girls to take on a new challenge or a new role. What's some of your advice in the book?

[10:07] SPEAKER_02:

I think advocating to have more female speakers at conferences and workshops, just again, being intentional about providing a space for girls to be in debates I had the opportunity to attend a conference not too long ago, and I was excited to see a balance between the boys and the girls that were speaking and to see a girl just sharing with the school division what is it that they would like to see. That was encouraging. And, you know, the advice that we offer female students, colleagues? How does it inspire growth? And are we being intentional about allowing everyone to have an equal voice at the table, not inviting them and having them take a space, but is everyone sharing their voice?

[11:01] SPEAKER_01:

And it seems to me like the awareness is a critical first step just to say, hey, if we have a student council that is not representative of our student body, that is something that we can be intentional about. And I love to see educators and community leaders going up to girls and saying, hey, you should go for this. You should run for this. You would be fantastic at this. Because sometimes people...

[11:27]

are waiting for permission. They are waiting for someone that they trust, that they look up to, to tell them that it's okay, to tell them that it is totally appropriate for them to go after that opportunity.

[11:37] SPEAKER_02:

It happened to me. It happened to me. And I talk about this in the book a lot because me coming from another country, I was waiting for that permission. And I knew that I wanted to do great things But it has taken a lot of people to discover a gift in me and encouraging me to just take next steps. And even with the book, I struggled when Adam said, Lynn, let's put this into words. Let's share it with the world.

[12:11]

And I kept saying, me? Is this happening to me? And nobody did that to me. Nobody said I couldn't do it or that I was not good enough. But all the messages came. from society were just clouding my thinking and making me doubt.

[12:28]

It has to be perfect because before I go into it, what if it's not polished enough? What if people don't like it? What if it's not well received? And yeah, a couple of months later, working with Dave Burgess and Shelly and the team and Adam, and this is happening. And all I can say is I hope that whoever's doubting themselves or struggling with that confidence knows that I was that girl. And if I could do it, they can do it too.

[13:02]

That nothing can stop you. You can do anything you want to do. You want to code, you can code. You want to go to school and continue to pursue your education, you can do it. I'm working on my PhD right now. And it was one of those things where I said, no, not me.

[13:23]

Reading that volume in English when Spanish is my primary language and I'm entering my ninth class and I keep pinching myself thinking, is this real? Is this really real? And nobody said that I could not do it. But again, it was just me. crafting this narrative that is so untrue. So I hope the people that are listening just take up the challenge of encouraging girls that struggle with those thoughts, with that anxiety, with the obsession to be perfect, and just mentor them and carve the way for them to do great things.

[14:10] SPEAKER_01:

So Lynn, what do you see as some of the structural barriers or the consistent patterns that are in place, especially within schools? Because thinking about our audience of school administrators, I have the feeling that there are common patterns that work against girls living up to their potential and taking on those leadership opportunities. So what do you see as some of the structural barriers or some of the things that commonly need to change in schools?

[14:37] SPEAKER_02:

So, you know, one of the things that first caught my eye when I was a principal was the career fair. So usually, and I don't know in schools across the United States, but we would send the paper home and see who would sign up. And we were just excited to have people sign up, right? So I noticed that for the military, we would have a dad who was a soldier, right? For police officers, we would have a male police officer. When the firefighters came, they were males.

[15:12]

And I don't think that was intentional, but I said, okay, wait a minute. How would my female students who want to be a police officer feel if they don't have a role model that, you know, that is a female? Will the questions be different? Am I sending the message that that's not something that they can do? So I talked to the guidance counselors, and we just came to the conclusion, okay, if this is going to have an impact on what our students are going to do, you know, career-wise, then we have to go search for what is it that we need. And we started thinking about the career fair in a different way.

[15:58]

But it took the conversation. Same with library books. What is it that our girls are reading? And what is it that boys are reading? And are we influencing our male students by having books where the female is the hero? Do we have a balance within our text?

[16:21]

What is it that we're reading in classrooms? So things like that. And they seem little, but they become part of the culture and the things that we do. And it's a great way to start. And also the groups that we're having, is there a balance? And are we having, like you said before, females just joining different clubs?

[16:47]

And then how are these girls taking on these leadership roles, learning more about what is it that they need and not ignoring that we really need a balance and asking for feedback. How many times do we sit as leaders and ask the kids for feedback? Not a survey, not a checklist, but this conversation of, hey, tell me what you think about the things that we have here in the school. If you had the opportunity to run the school, what are some of the things that you would like more of? We're serving kids So I think it's only fair to have authentic conversations with them about what is it that they're looking for and what experiences are they craving for when they come to our schools.

[17:36] SPEAKER_01:

Lynn, I'm glad you mentioned the importance of literature and the books that we have in our libraries and that we're reading in our classes, because I think that role of the protagonist is such a critical archetype, and yet one that in most books, especially books written before the last decade or two, in most books, the protagonist is a male character. And even in many of the books that we know and love, if it's not a book, quote unquote, for girls, the main character is often a boy and any girls who are in the book are supporting characters. And I think it was probably not until... you know, the last 15 years or so that we started to see books that had actual female protagonists.

[18:23]

And I think, you know, in popular culture, in large numbers, you know, books like The Hunger Games. And I think that subtlety of, okay, who is the protagonist and who is the supporting character really is something that people internalize, that girls hold onto, that boys just start to take it as an assumption that if they're the boy in the situation, then they are the protagonist in the situation. And I feel like that just gets so deeply embedded in people's thinking.

[18:50] SPEAKER_02:

Totally true. I mean, if I ask a group of people right now, tell me or share about your favorite superhero, I guarantee you that maybe 80%. people will mention a superhero that's male because it's the very first thing that comes to your mind. So then, you know, what experiences and moments we're creating in schools where we really dig into the qualities of those female protagonists and, you know, and involve every, every student, right? In having those conversations so that our boys can also see, wow, there's a beautiful thing in strength and we can both be strong.

[19:41]

It's not about one group or the other, but bringing awareness to everyone.

[19:46] SPEAKER_01:

You know, one interesting place that I've seen this pattern emerge is in school districts. And of course, you're a central office administrator, director of English language learner programs and services. And I've noticed this pattern in a lot of central office positions where men tend to get funneled into executive director type positions. And women tend to get funneled into positions that have just not as much of a director-type title. I don't know if you've seen this, but I see a lot of positions like coordinator. And I'll talk to somebody who has a coordinator title, and I'll think, you know what?

[20:26]

I kind of feel like you're the executive director of that, and yet the title and probably the salary don't match that. And I think that... plays out in a lot of districts where the people who are really the experts, the people who are really doing a lot of the core work are not being recognized with the title or the salary commensurate with that. And I don't know, I'm seeing a kind of a gender divide there.

[20:50]

Do you see that in your experience as well?

[20:52] SPEAKER_02:

You know, it's very interesting. I have not experienced it, but I will say that in doing the research for the book and just talking to a lot of leaders in different sectors, What I learned was that the absence of advocating was what got in the way. So Courtney, and she contributed to Chapter 8, I believe, she talks about just taking a chance, right? And saying, okay, I might not be 100% ready for this job, but I'm going to go for it. She brought that attitude to the situation. I also met with someone who is in the law field And she said, okay, I was doing the job, right?

[21:39]

And her male colleague had a, not a better title, but a higher position that she did. And when she talked to him about it and how she felt, he said, well, why didn't you apply? So nobody was really keeping her from it, but it was just the lack of confidence that that kept her from raising the hand or even following the process that her employer had for asking for the raise. So it was never that they negated the raise, but she just didn't ask. And then I talked to someone who said, I just learned that my male colleague negotiated his salary. I didn't know that I could do that.

[22:23]

So again, I think that's why having mentors, it's really important. And just the confidence that, hey, you know, if there's a process, I'll go for it. Who's saying you can't? Is it us doing this to ourselves or really society keeping us from it? So I think, does it happen in some places, what you described? Maybe, but I'm learning just to rely on my mentors when it comes to growth and just when I grapple with certain things.

[22:57]

asking for advice and ways that I can move forward.

[23:02] SPEAKER_01:

Well, I love the emphasis in the book. You talk about role models, opportunity, attitude, equal access, and encouragement. And if you could close with a word of encouragement to leaders, both to male and female leaders who care about empowering girls, what would your word of encouragement and advice be?

[23:23] SPEAKER_02:

Just start the conversation with, Don't be afraid of it and look for opportunities to support our girls. It can be through recognition. It could be through mentoring. It could be by saying simple words that go beyond beauty. I think that's a great place to start. Instead of calling a girl beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with that, just highlight how smart they are.

[23:52]

Just highlight how much value they bring to the conversation, highlight their ideas, and just create opportunities for them to show how strong they can be, how they can change the world because our girls need people that just believe in them. Be an influencer. That's my favorite word lately, an influencer and an activator. because our girls deserve people who just are out there to make them stronger.

[24:27] SPEAKER_01:

So the book is Empower Our Girls, Opening the Door for Girls to Achieve More. Lynn, thank you so much for joining me on Principal Center Radio.

[24:35] SPEAKER_02:

Thank you for having me.

[24:37] Announcer:

Thanks for listening to Principal Center Radio. For more great episodes, subscribe on our website at principalcenter.com slash radio.