Building People: Social-Emotional Learning for Kids, Families, Schools, and Communities

[00:01] SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Principal Center Radio, bringing you the best in professional practice.

[00:06] Announcer:

Here's your host, director of the Principal Center and champion of high-performance instructional leadership, Justin Bader. Welcome, everyone, to Principal Center Radio.

[00:15] SPEAKER_01:

I'm your host, Justin Bader, and I'm honored to be joined today by Tamara Fyke. Tamara is an author, speaker, and expert on social and emotional learning, and she's the creator of Love in a Big World, which we're here to talk about today.

[00:30] Announcer:

And now, our feature presentation.

[00:32] SPEAKER_01:

Tamara, welcome to Principal Center Radio.

[00:34] SPEAKER_02:

Thank you, Justin. It's good to be with you.

[00:36] SPEAKER_01:

Likewise. So you've been in the world of social emotional learning for a number of years, for a long time, and have done a lot of work with schools and other kinds of organizations. What was it specifically that prompted you to come up with Love in a Big World?

[00:51] SPEAKER_02:

Well, I started my work in education after graduating from Belmont University here in Nashville. And I worked at first as a substitute teacher in urban schools, particularly urban middle schools. Sixth grade was my favorite. And I noticed that there was a real need to connect with kids around the things of life that they were dealing with. So I spent a lot of time, even with my kids in the classroom, particularly at the end of the day, just asking them what was going on in their world and connecting around media and entertainment, the songs that they were listening to, and then using that music as a bridge to conversation about the deeper things of life. So that's really where Love in a Big World was born, was in those interactions after school, waiting for the buses to be called, waiting for kids to be dismissed, and having those conversations that I knew that they were hungry for.

[01:48]

They wanted to have open, authentic relationship and conversation with adults who cared for them.

[01:54] SPEAKER_01:

So you were a middle school teacher and you saw this need among your students that they were dealing with a lot in their lives that they needed to process and that would help you be a more effective educator working with them if you kind of took them through that. Well, let's fast forward to today now that you've been at this for a number of years and Love in a Big World is a well-established program. What does that program do and what do schools typically say when they're coming to you to get them started with Love in a Big World? What problems are they looking to solve in their communities?

[02:28] SPEAKER_02:

I'll give you a bit of context. So I started the organization Love in a Big World as a non-profit back in 1996 and we provided in-school assembly programs. So it was really to provide a central experience for kids and teachers around the ideas of social and emotional learning and using entertainment as that bridge. Over the years, we recognized, you know, a one-shot assembly program isn't going to make a huge change in the climate and culture of a school. So I developed the curriculum materials that teachers could use ongoing. As you said, we've been doing this for a long time.

[03:05]

And most recently, I've partnered with Abingdon Press to revise the curriculum and reissue it. So usually when schools come to me with a request for Living in a Big World, They're dealing with anything from low academic performance to lots of behavioral problems to disengaged community. And when I say community, I'm including teachers, parents, and students. So, I mean, it runs the gamut. We've even been involved over the years in some of the school communities where shootings have happened. So it ranges from the prevention, you know, like a universal prevention effort to a real intervention effort after tragedy.

[03:54]

And one of the big things with Love in a Big World is building a common language among the school community so that everybody's on the same page about behavior expectations. So talking with teachers and administrators, parents, kids about This is what respect looks like. This is what it means. This is what it looks like. This is what responsibility means. This is what it looks like.

[04:19]

Because as adults, a lot of times we'll throw around these big words like courage and honesty, but we won't always take the time to break it down and give the real world example. And that's really what kids need. So starting with that common language as the foundation, then there's a way to expound using stories and all sorts of interdisciplinary activities to make it fun. Because if you just start talking about things like humility or organization, it may not be really fun, even though these are critical life skills. So I'm all for Vygotsky and his theories of play. So how can we make this learning fun and engaging for kids, providing meaningful engagement for them?

[05:02]

So using stories, using games, using journaling and reflection times, using conversation. One of the things I've found is that kids really do think about the bigger issues of life. But oftentimes we as adults don't always give them the opportunity to share what it is they're thinking. So as we create opportunities for that conversation, then they can really share their hearts. And that's the beauty of it is that's where relationships are born. And so Love in a Big World is really all about relationships and all the multitude of relationships, relationships between the administrators and the teachers, the teachers and each other, the teachers and the students, and all those dyads and triads of relationship that happen in a school that provides such a complex community.

[05:49] SPEAKER_01:

So what does it look like when a school has an effective approach to social-emotional learning in place? When schools are really tapping into that need that students have to deal with emotions and to build those skills and those character traits, what does it look like in the classroom when things are working as they're supposed to, when we're doing our part as educators, when we have an effective program in place, so that even if our students have a fairly high level of need, they're getting those needs met through the approach that the school has put in place. Take us through, what does that look like in the classroom?

[06:22] SPEAKER_02:

I've worked in a lot of schools over the last 20 years. And having been in as many buildings as I have, I can walk in and take a real quick barometer, I guess you could say, of the climate and culture of the school. So when I walk into a school and it feels safe, it feels like home, it feels like family, I'd say they're doing it right. And some people might look at me and go, what do you mean? We want our schools to be a family? Yeah.

[06:52]

I mean, in this day and age, schools have become the center of the community. And they're playing a critical role that some organizations used to play in the past. But the center of the community has now become the school. And so to provide a place where everyone feels welcome, everyone feels like they belong, everyone feels like their voice matters, their needs are being met. And I know you might listen to this and go, well, that's a lofty goal. Yes, it is a lofty goal.

[07:22]

But the school is to be that safe place, is to be that shining light for students and families. And so when kids know that they belong, when kids know that what they think and feel and say matters, and not just kids, but teachers too, then I think they're doing it right. And it doesn't mean that every day is perfect. I listened to a presentation from a principal here in Nashville a few months ago. And he was talking about just their embrace of social and emotional learning in their school. And he said, it's messy some days because it means being there in the midst of the difficulties with your kids.

[08:10]

It doesn't mean that kids are going to be perfect. That is not healthy for anybody. We're human. We're going to make mistakes. But it's how do we help navigate through the difficulties of life? kids and families deal with the adverse experiences that happen to us and come out on the other side being resilient, having that ability to bounce back.

[08:37]

That's what we're after. And so when we as caring adults and educators can create a safe place where kids can move from risk to resiliency, then we're doing an amazing thing, preparing them not only for academic success, but preparing them for life success.

[08:57] SPEAKER_01:

Well, Tamara, I wonder if you could share with us a couple of the 24 character traits that you include in the program that schools can kind of choose from and focus on with their students. What are some of those character traits that you cover in Love in a Big World?

[09:11] SPEAKER_02:

There are 24 different character traits, and they're defined in kid-friendly language, starting with choice. Choice is the opportunity and power to choose. One of the things that I've found is just acknowledging and empowering kids with the fact that you do have a choice about what you do and say. Nobody's making you do anything. It is a lot of times an eye-opening concept for them. So that's where we start.

[09:40]

And then build from there with courage, honesty, kindness, responsibility, self-control, and gratitude. I mean, all these human values that everyone can agree on. And that really help us not only as kids in schools, but as adults in the workplace and as contributing members of our society.

[10:03] SPEAKER_01:

So Tamara, let's say I am a fourth grade teacher and I realize that my students are bringing a lot of anger with them to class. And as someone who's aware of social and emotional learning and the opportunities that we have as educators to help build skills in that area, what might I do? You know, thinking about the other structures that might already be in place in my classroom and thinking about the curriculum that you have, if I wanted to help students develop skills to deal with their anger and understand that, what might I do through your program? So kind of walk me through that.

[10:35] SPEAKER_02:

So Love in a Big World with the 24 Character Traits, there's a lot of different ways that we can be integrated into your practice. If you're dealing with a particular topic, like anger management, as you mentioned in this fourth grade hypothetical classroom, I would say using the Love in a Big World Anger Management Bundle is a great option. So it's six weeks of lessons that can be used during morning meeting, if that's something that you have in your classroom. A lot of elementary schools do have that time dedicated for morning meeting, but one of the things that I've learned is that even though they have that time, they may not have the content because teachers are dedicated to the common core curriculum and making sure that they're following the standards and meeting all the accountability measures for that.

[11:28]

So Social and emotional learning often becomes an afterthought, even though they know it's critical for laying the foundation for relationships in their classroom. And that's kind of the gap that we fill. Let us give you the content that you need to have those important conversations with kids to help them with these skills that will therefore help them be successful in the classroom. So in this particular case, I'd say the anger management bundle would be a great option. And that covers things like choice and courage, forgiveness, self-control, patience. And the great thing about Love in a Big World is it's really flexible and you can customize it for your use.

[12:10]

So what I recommend is a dose effect. So it's just a one-shot thing during the week, but it's incremental throughout the week. And the curriculum is flexible enough that you can Like on Mondays, go over the definition of courage is standing up for what is right, facing your fears. And read the story that's associated with that. And then on Tuesday, have a guided conversation about the story that you read on Monday. Wednesday, do a journaling activity.

[12:44]

And all these activities are designed for about 15 to 20 minutes, which is perfect for morning meeting time in elementary classrooms. Or if you're having a short week because of the holiday, you can workshop it and take 40 minutes and work through the entire lesson. But the key factor that I talked with teachers and administrators about a lot is that it's not just enough to do this at this time and check off the box. This is about integration. It's an integrated approach. So weave in that language during those teachable moments.

[13:20]

So if you're talking about courage, for example, and the definition, the love in a big world definition is standing up for what is right. When the kids are at recess and somebody comes up to you and says, hey, so and so just pushed me and I'm ready to fight or, you know, whatever it is that happens. And you say, well, you have a choice. Are you going to choose to be courageous? Are you going to stand up for what is right? And you use that language during those teachable moments with kids.

[13:53]

It reinforces it and it becomes part of the way they do school and not only do school, but the part of the way they think and do life, which is incredibly powerful. And that's really where the transformation occurs. is when it's not just a, hey, let's check this box because it's on our to-do list for today, but this becomes part of the way that we think and act and treat one another. A lot of times what I'll tell teachers is you're already doing social and emotional learning, but what Love in a Big World helps you do is be intentional about it. We help give you the language for that intentionality, if that makes sense.

[14:30] SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. Absolutely. Because one of the things that I encourage school leaders to do when they're working with teachers is, you know, don't just go into a classroom and tell people what they're doing well and what they're doing wrong. You know, the big opportunity for us as leaders, I think, is to capitalize on that shared vocabulary. If we have a particular curriculum or a particular instructional approach or certain evaluation criteria, those can give us so much more useful language than we would just naturally use. And I think we hesitate to do that, to use that specific vocabulary, because we feel like as adults, we might not need to.

[15:07]

And it's easy for us to recognize as kids, maybe kids don't have the language to describe the feelings that they're dealing with or to describe the type of self-regulation that we want to help them build. but it's easy to see that explicitly teaching those traits, explicitly teaching that vocabulary can make a huge difference in, as you said, kind of getting everyone on the same page and just making this the way that we approach things as a school and the way that kids can kind of navigate through some of the tougher aspects of life.

[15:37] SPEAKER_02:

Exactly, and that's where Bloom's Taxonomy comes in because you're engaging the cognitive, the affective, and the behavioral. We want kids to know the good things to feel the good and to do the good. So we've got to meet them in all those different domains. And that's why explicit instruction about these character traits is so vital. But not just the very didactic, like, well, this is what courage means, or this is what it means to be honest. I mean, make it fun.

[16:05]

And that's why the curriculum is filled with games and stories and art projects and research projects and service learning opportunities. just that engage all the different types of learning so that kids look forward to it. I mean, I remember years ago having a teacher say, I set aside 15 minutes before lunch every day to have our love in a big world time. And if I didn't do it because I forgot or our schedule was tight, he said my kids were coming to me and saying, Mr. Coverson, we have to have our love in a big world time. It was something they looked forward to.

[16:42]

And that's what we want. And giving students a voice so that they know that what they think and what they feel matters is incredibly important.

[16:52] SPEAKER_01:

Thinking back to my own experience as a middle school teacher, I taught sixth and seventh grade, and I did care about my students, but I didn't really know what they needed from me to know that. You know what I mean? That sense that, you know, I was a science teacher. I was not asking a whole lot of kind of circle time kind of questions. And I think just having that shared vocabulary, having that shared framework where we can refer to things and say, you know, this might require, you know, a little bit more self-control to get through this part. And it might, you know, I want to give you an opportunity for choice as we go through this.

[17:24]

You know, just knowing the kind of landscape that we're trying to construct for kids and having that shared language, I think, is so powerful. So I wanted to ask, what can that look like at the middle school level where we don't have kids for as long in any one class period? We don't get as much time with our students. We don't know them as well. We might have more of a homeroom or an advisory period instead of morning meeting or something like that. What are you seeing schools do successfully at the middle school level?

[17:53]

That's not just one or two teachers that really take this to heart, but school-wide that becomes an effective approach that really does build that vocabulary and get everyone on the same page.

[18:02] SPEAKER_02:

There's two things I'd like to highlight. One is advisory time. I am a big fan of advisory time because when students make that transition to middle school, they need someone who anchors their day. They need that safe person that they can check in with, and advisory provides that. The middle school teachers I've talked to, they will say, so we have advisory time, but we use it for silent reading. And I go, what?

[18:29]

critical opportunity for you to build relationships with your kids and the research. And I just go off in this thing and they're like, well, yeah, exactly. But I don't know what to say.

[18:38] SPEAKER_01:

Exactly.

[18:39] SPEAKER_02:

Again, that's where we can help bridge the gap. We'll provide the tools and you, you have that interaction, that meaningful conversation with your students. Um, the second is I would say when it comes to middle school and you made a good point with different subject areas, um, Social and emotional learning is not just about the content. It's about the processes as well. And this is one of the things that I highlight for teachers when I'm doing professional development training. Let me use collaborative learning as an example.

[19:09]

Collaborative learning is something that we do and we've done for a long time, but we also need to be intentional about the learning opportunities for relationship skills that are inherent within collaborative learning. So teaching kids the guidelines for when you're working in a group, We're focused on cooperation. Cooperation is working together as a team. And yeah, it really does mean breaking it down that simply. And then saying, when you're working with your team, when you're cooperating with one another, you need to show respect. Respect is valuing yourself and others.

[19:44]

So if you value yourself and you value others, what are you going to do when somebody else is talking? And then engage the kids in that conversation initially before you start into your collaborative learning efforts. So they'll say, well, you know, that means that I'm not going to talk when somebody else is talking. Exactly. You're going to listen. And so helping, letting them establish those norms.

[20:04]

Then when a conflict arises, as it's want to do with middle schoolers, you have a guideline, that common language to refer back to. Well, is what you said kind? Were you treating this person the way you want to be treated? Or were you showing respect? Or were you being cooperative? But you have that shared language to go back to as kind of the measure for behavior that everyone's agreed on.

[20:28]

And so when there's a conflict, you have a way to figure it out and talk about these bigger issues like forgiveness. Forgiveness is a huge thing. I mean, if you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it would be way up there on top. But when we when we provide these collaborative learning or project based learning service learning opportunities, we're actually creating a microcosm where kids can practice these skills, these life skills in a safe place. It's not if if they have a conflict with somebody and they need help working it out, their job isn't in jeopardy like for us as an adult. They have coaches, those caring adults who are present to help work it out with them.

[21:15]

They need to learn these skills where it's safe and they can practice so that when they get into the real world, they know how to handle themselves. Does that make sense? So it's not just about the content. We have to be explicit with the content as I gave examples, but it's also about the process and providing opportunities through the learning experience that afford themselves to these kinds of character traits.

[21:40] SPEAKER_01:

So I wanted to ask about the idea of love. Your program is called love in a big world and love is honestly not a word that we use a lot in public education. You know, it might make us a little bit uncomfortable. So I wonder if you could talk for just a moment about why love, you know, that idea of love is in there and why it belongs in public education.

[22:01] SPEAKER_02:

I think what we need to remember is that at the heart of education is relationships. And when we lose sight of that, and I feel like we have, you know, over the past decade or more, when we've had this overemphasis on test scores, we've lost sight of the fact that we're not just teaching these kids in order to get scores. We're teaching kids who have hearts and minds. And in this world of Google, education has changed drastically. And I think In a lot of ways, the kids are ahead of the adults in that fact. They don't need to memorize the facts and figures in the same way that we did when we were in school.

[22:45]

What they need to do is figure out how to put the pieces of the puzzle together in order to solve problems. That requires a lot of heart. I also think that just in the state of our world today, we are overwhelmed with negativity and the problems around us and and kids have I mean our kids today they've grown up post 9-11 they are a lot different than we are and they still have hope they still believe that they can change the world and I actually believe they can too so I'm their biggest fans and I think that all of us as caring adults need to be how can we get behind them and How can we champion them so that they can be world changers?

[23:37]

Because they can make a difference. I just happen to believe that. And so that's why we lead with love.

[23:43] SPEAKER_01:

So Tamara, if you could kind of wave a magic wand and get all school leaders everywhere to pay attention to this issue of social emotional learning and get administrators to take some action, what would that be? What would you have us do if you could wave a magic wand?

[24:00] SPEAKER_02:

There's a lot of things. I would say, for one, administrators, empower your teachers. I tell teachers all the time, you can't give what you don't have. You can't give this social and emotional learning opportunity to your students unless you're willing to do the work yourself. And so as administrators, I think giving the freedom to the teachers to deal with their own stuff And then to also take the time and space in the classroom to help kids deal with their stuff is critically important. So I would wave the magic wand and say, hey, remember that we're all human and we all have a heart.

[24:42]

It reminds me of the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, if I only had a heart. And I think in a lot of ways we've lost the heart in education over the years because we've been so worried about the numbers. And we need to bring back the heart. And I think one of the ways to do that is through conversations. So being willing to have the conversations in all those different relationships, whether it's administrators with teachers or teachers with each other or teachers with kids or parents and all those, we need to have the conversations that need to be had about courage and honesty and kindness and forgiveness and cooperation and humility and patience. We have enough of the fighting and backbiting going on.

[25:32]

We see it every day in the news. And if the school is to be that lighthouse in the community, then we need to be the ones leading the conversation about kindness. And if love in a big world can be part of that, then great. But one thing I've learned over the years is that there's no program that's going to be the quick fix. There's no curriculum that's going to be the be-all, end-all. What we want to be with Live in a Big World is a tool in your toolbox, a help to you, a way to integrate social and emotional learning into your regular practice so you can deal with the needs of the kids.

[26:09]

In light of this whole conversation around ACEs that's been happening, which I think is incredibly important, I think, again, adults feel... unprepared to go there with their kids and it's essential i mean how do we deal with kids who've been through traumatic experiences we have these kinds of conversations about the stuff that really matters and let them know that they they've they've faced incredible trauma but they have the ability to bounce back and and to encourage them to be resilient and then i and i think again to um weave into all instructional areas these life skills, recognizing that, you know, if you're going to be successful in STEM, it's going to require a lot of perseverance, sticking to it, not giving up.

[27:03]

So it's a mindset. You know, I mean, I'm thinking, even as I'm saying these things, Justin, I'm thinking about Duckworth, and I'm thinking about Dweck, and I'm thinking about, you know, all the exciting research that's happening around SEL. And the applications that it has, not just for the school, but really for our society.

[27:23] SPEAKER_01:

Well, Tamara, if people want to find out more about Love in a Big World and the programs and services that you offer, where's the best place for them to find you and get in touch with you?

[27:32] SPEAKER_02:

Sure. You can look at loveinabigworld.com and find out information there on our website or get in touch with me, Tamara, at loveinabigworld.com and just find so you know the full offerings. We have the curriculum, we have music, we have all sorts of ancillary materials that can be used in the classroom, but we also provide professional development and evaluation tools as well, and coaching. So there's all sorts of ways that we can be supportive.

[28:06]

SEL is really the foundation for some of these other things that we're talking about in education today, such as restorative practices and ACEs. So I feel it's a critical piece in laying the foundation for school success.

[28:23] SPEAKER_00:

And now, Justin Bader on high-performance instructional leadership.

[28:27] SPEAKER_01:

So high-performance instructional leaders, what did you take away from my conversation with Tamara Fike from Love in a Big World? One of the big things that stands out to me is the importance of recognizing what needs our students are coming to school with. And if you're a longtime listener of Principal Center Radio, you'll recognize the term that Tamara used, ACEs, Adverse Childhood Experiences, that a lot of students have experienced and really bring to school with them. So I want to point you to four previous episodes of Principal Center Radio that might be of interest. Two with Paul Tuff. the author of How Children Succeed and the author of Helping Children Succeed.

[29:08]

So we've done interviews on both of those books. And I've also done two interviews with my good friends, Chris and Courtney Dykos of Continua Consulting. And we've talked a lot about trauma-informed approaches and supporting students who have high ACE scores. So check those out in the archives at principalcenter.com slash radio. And do check out the Love in a Big World program that Tamara and I talked about today at loveinabigworld.com.

[29:35] Announcer:

Thanks for listening to Principal Center Radio. For more great episodes, subscribe on our website at principalcenter.com slash radio.