Schools Need to Take Bullying Seriously — But It's Tricky

How should schools deal with bullying?

I get a fair number of questions about this.

And bullying is one of those fairly well understood and well researched problems in schools that puts a particular burden on schools to handle it in the right way.

And one of the ways that it can be handled incorrectly is to treat it as a conflict between two students, because bullying is not a conflict between two students, right?

Bullying has a power imbalance at the heart of it, right?

If you have two students who are not getting along, that is not necessarily bullying.

Sometimes conflict is just conflict.

Sometimes kids tease each other or are mean to each other.

And it's not necessarily bullying, but what makes it bullying is if there is a power imbalance.

And especially if a student is getting hurt, if a student is really having difficulty getting out of bed in the morning because the bullying is causing so much stress, then there probably is something there.

Where schools have to be really thorough and really careful is making sure that they're investigating and making sure that they are putting boundaries in place, putting consequences in place if the bullying continues, setting clear expectations, and making it clear that they have done something, they have documented what they've done.

and that they're committed to putting a stop to it.

We cannot tolerate bullying.

We cannot treat it as if it's just two students who need to get along or maybe need to be friends.

Sometimes kids don't need to be friends.

Sometimes kids need to be separated from one another, and that can take some creative scheduling, that can take some drastic action.

But if that's what it takes to keep kids safe, We've got to do it.

We've got to not shy away from that responsibility.

And I did a video a couple weeks ago about the lawsuit in California against a school district that resulted in a $27 million settlement because a student was bullied and assaulted and ultimately killed by some bullies.

We've got to put a stop to any kind of behavior that is headed anywhere in that direction.

The other tricky thing is that sometimes there are social skills issues.

And I'm skeptical...

of a lot of things that people call skills.

I think a lot of things are not skills.

There are behaviors, there are executive functions, there are lots of things that I'm skeptical of.

But social skills are one of those things that some students struggle with, that are teachable, that can be developed, but that explain some of the situations that might be reported to parents as bullying, but are really something else.

And it's especially difficult when you have two students who are both a little aggressive, both have not great social skills, don't get along with other people super well, it can be a little bit difficult to figure out, okay, is there a power imbalance?

Is somebody really bullying somebody?

Or do we just have two kids who have skill issues?

It can be a little bit tricky.

This is why we need school counselors.

This is why we need school administrators.

And they both play a role.

Sometimes we need to kind of trade off in terms of who is doing what so that the counselor is not having to impose consequences and the administrator is not having to do too much counseling.

But We've got to have kind of a team approach to handling bullying.

We've got to take it seriously.

Let me know what you think.