Stop Framing All Self-Control Problems as Skill Deficits
In this video, Dr. Justin Baeder argues that treating every behavioral issue as a skills gap ignores the role of choice and accountability.
Key Takeaways
- Self-control problems aren't always skill deficits - Many students know how to behave; they choose not to when consequences are absent
- The skill deficit framing removes accountability - If behavior is always a skill issue, there's never a reason for consequences
- Both matter - Some students genuinely need skill-building, but many simply need clear expectations and follow-through
Transcript
Let's talk about skill gaslighting.
It's tempting for us as educators to frame everything that students are not doing that we want them to do as a skill deficit.
And we like that.
It feeds our sense of optimism that if a student is not doing something they need to do, well, we can teach it to them.
We can build that skill.
And I think we can build skills, but it's important to understand that skills are things that students do, not that they don't do.
There's no such thing as a not doing skill.
what do i mean by that well if you need to develop skills to calm down you know someone can teach you how to calm yourself how to remove yourself from a stressful situation and things like that but no one can teach you the skill of not punching someone right there's no skill of not doing things and it doesn't even make sense to say like of all the infinite things in the world that you're not doing each of them is a skill like that just doesn't make sense but when all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail when we face student challenges that we're not able to address it's tempting to frame them as skill issues when really they're issues of self-discipline or self-control or you know just making good decisions on the part of the student and it's frustrating to us that we can't directly control that that we can't directly build a student's ability to to make better decisions to be safe to be non-violent, you know, we wanted to be able to do more about this.
But when we think and insist that we have an ability that we don't actually have, it becomes a form of gaslighting and it becomes a form of blaming the person who is responsible for teaching the student over something that's not actually teachable.
You can't actually teach not doing something.
You can teach that doing something is wrong and that you shouldn't do it, But the actual self-control of not doing it belongs within the individual.
That responsibility belongs to the individual.
And there are lots of things that we can do to help students develop that ability.
And having clear boundaries and consequences is a big part of that.
But I really think we have to stop the gaslighting of teachers that says anytime there's a problem, anytime a student does something inappropriate, it's because the teacher didn't teach the skill well enough.
Well, again, not doing something is not a skill.
You know, self-control is not a skill.
There is no kind of knowledge that we can impart that will flip the switch from not doing something that you know you're supposed to do to successfully doing something that you're supposed to do or, you know, vice versa, you know, controlling yourself and avoiding something that you're not supposed to do.
Once you know, the teaching has been done.
So let me know what you think about this.
I think we've really got to just stop reflexively using the language of skill for things that are really about self-control and self-discipline because we end up blaming ourselves.
We end up accepting responsibility for things that we truly cannot accept responsibility for.
You know, when students walk out of our doors, they still have to have self-control.
They still have to be able to make good decisions.
And we can have built all the skills in the world, but of those things that are not skills, they're on their own.
Let me know what you think about that.